Making a Silk Purse out of a Sow's Ear
Have you ever heard a dying seal gasping for its last breaths? How about a burlap-wrapped cat being flung against a wall? No? Well, let me introduce to my singing voice.
I am not what most people would call “musical”. I cannot read sheet music, play an instrument, or recognize pitch unless the singer is so far off-key, every dog within a three-mile radius starts howling. I can dance, but unless I’m lip-syncing to Brittany Spears, that’s not going to help me much with this challenge. My saving grace is that I am well-aware of my voice limitations, so I will not be choosing Celine Dion as my karaoke song.
To help with the seemingly insurmountable challenge of learning how to sing, I enlisted the help of San Diego-based voice coach, Celeste. I booked four lessons this week and started my vocal journey this morning.
She recommended that I a) choose a song I would like to sing and b) bring the lyrics. Since I have a difficult time following directions, I brought a CD with nine songs I thought I could sing, and no lyrics.
“Oh, ok,” Celeste was sweet in trying to hide her mild frustration.
I could tell she was a little confused as to why anyone would want to take lessons for karaoke, so I tried to explain my blog, but that seemed to confuse her further. To avoid any further awkwardness, we got right into the lesson.
We did a few warm-up exercises after which she told me I was a soprano (never would have guessed that), and that a singer’s range is determined by the structure of their vocal chords.
Apparently, if your vocal chords are tight, you have a higher voice and have limited range in the lower octaves because your vocal chords can only stretch so far. But if they’re looser, you have a greater capacity for range because you can do voice exercises to tighten them up. As was exhibited when I tried to sing Bon Jovi, my chords are tight.
Celeste was very complimentary during the warm-up (probably because I was paying her), which helped because she kept making me sing higher and higher notes, to the point where I was literally screeching. The sound was appalling and I have no idea how she could stand it.
After a few laughing spells and self-deprecating remarks, she told me, “You actually have a nice little voice in there; we just need to get it out.” Right.
We moved on from the voice warm-ups to singing the songs I brought. Our first try was “I Do,” by Colbie Caillat, but unfortunately I only know the “I do,” part of the song... and I didn’t bring the lyrics, so that was a nonstarter. Then we tried, “(You Want to) Make a Memory,” by Bon Jovi and my voice couldn’t even scratch the surface of his baritone.
This bummed me out a little because I have always envisioned the two of us, side-by-side on stage, sharing a microphone, both wearing leather pants...I guess I can finally put that dream to rest.
Our third attempt at musical greatness was “Right in Time,” by Lucinda Williams, which, to the surprise of both Celeste and me, actually worked out ok.
“I’m just surprised at how low all of these songs go.”
“I know, I think in my head, my voice is lower than it actually is, and I assumed these would be easier for me to sing.”
“Well, we speak at the bottom of our range, so just because you speak at a certain level, doesn’t mean you should sing at that level.”
“Gotcha.”
Our last attempt was, “Conditional,” by Tracy Chapman, which was again, too low for my vocal chords.
“Any suggestions?”
“I think Colbie Caillat is actually a good singer for you, and maybe Lucinda Williams, if the karaoke place has the song. But I would check first, you don’t want to practice a song and then not be able to sing it.”
“What about Sara Bareilles?”
“Yea, she’s actually a really good vocalist.”
“Oh.”
“She’s not Celine Dion, and I’m not saying you couldn’t get there, just not in a week. I think stick with Colbie Caillat, or even try Patsy Cline or Mary Chapin Carpenter.”
“Got it. Any other tips?”
“Practice your voice lessons and sing along to your songs.”
Have you ever heard a dying seal gasping for its last breaths? How about a burlap-wrapped cat being flung against a wall? No? Well, let me introduce to my singing voice.
I am not what most people would call “musical”. I cannot read sheet music, play an instrument, or recognize pitch unless the singer is so far off-key, every dog within a three-mile radius starts howling. I can dance, but unless I’m lip-syncing to Brittany Spears, that’s not going to help me much with this challenge. My saving grace is that I am well-aware of my voice limitations, so I will not be choosing Celine Dion as my karaoke song.
To help with the seemingly insurmountable challenge of learning how to sing, I enlisted the help of San Diego-based voice coach, Celeste. I booked four lessons this week and started my vocal journey this morning.
She recommended that I a) choose a song I would like to sing and b) bring the lyrics. Since I have a difficult time following directions, I brought a CD with nine songs I thought I could sing, and no lyrics.
“Oh, ok,” Celeste was sweet in trying to hide her mild frustration.
I could tell she was a little confused as to why anyone would want to take lessons for karaoke, so I tried to explain my blog, but that seemed to confuse her further. To avoid any further awkwardness, we got right into the lesson.
We did a few warm-up exercises after which she told me I was a soprano (never would have guessed that), and that a singer’s range is determined by the structure of their vocal chords.
Apparently, if your vocal chords are tight, you have a higher voice and have limited range in the lower octaves because your vocal chords can only stretch so far. But if they’re looser, you have a greater capacity for range because you can do voice exercises to tighten them up. As was exhibited when I tried to sing Bon Jovi, my chords are tight.
Celeste was very complimentary during the warm-up (probably because I was paying her), which helped because she kept making me sing higher and higher notes, to the point where I was literally screeching. The sound was appalling and I have no idea how she could stand it.
After a few laughing spells and self-deprecating remarks, she told me, “You actually have a nice little voice in there; we just need to get it out.” Right.
We moved on from the voice warm-ups to singing the songs I brought. Our first try was “I Do,” by Colbie Caillat, but unfortunately I only know the “I do,” part of the song... and I didn’t bring the lyrics, so that was a nonstarter. Then we tried, “(You Want to) Make a Memory,” by Bon Jovi and my voice couldn’t even scratch the surface of his baritone.
This bummed me out a little because I have always envisioned the two of us, side-by-side on stage, sharing a microphone, both wearing leather pants...I guess I can finally put that dream to rest.
Our third attempt at musical greatness was “Right in Time,” by Lucinda Williams, which, to the surprise of both Celeste and me, actually worked out ok.
“I’m just surprised at how low all of these songs go.”
“I know, I think in my head, my voice is lower than it actually is, and I assumed these would be easier for me to sing.”
“Well, we speak at the bottom of our range, so just because you speak at a certain level, doesn’t mean you should sing at that level.”
“Gotcha.”
Our last attempt was, “Conditional,” by Tracy Chapman, which was again, too low for my vocal chords.
“Any suggestions?”
“I think Colbie Caillat is actually a good singer for you, and maybe Lucinda Williams, if the karaoke place has the song. But I would check first, you don’t want to practice a song and then not be able to sing it.”
“What about Sara Bareilles?”
“Yea, she’s actually a really good vocalist.”
“Oh.”
“She’s not Celine Dion, and I’m not saying you couldn’t get there, just not in a week. I think stick with Colbie Caillat, or even try Patsy Cline or Mary Chapin Carpenter.”
“Got it. Any other tips?”
“Practice your voice lessons and sing along to your songs.”
For the last hour, I’ve been searching for songs I could sing and lyrics I liked, and I think I might have a winner. We’ll just have to see if Celeste approves.
